Today
by LadyRaider
Summary: I thought of you today. Spoilers for Threads.


**Title: Today**

**Future fic, light Sam/Jack**

**Spoilers for Threads**

**Implied character death**

**Summary: I thought of you today.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, the show and the characters are not my property. The story line, that's mine.**

**XXXX**

I thought of you today.

I was at the movies. I know, that sounds a bit strange. How could a movie remind me of you? Well, it didn't. The movie had nothing to do with it. In fact, I barely even paid attention to the movie, because I was thinking about you. I couldn't even give a brief description of the plot, actually. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, something in the theater reminded me of you. Somewhere during the flick soft snores began to be noticed by those in the crowd. That is what reminded me of you. It's funny how the little things make you remember.

Like the time when I was eight years old, just turning, actually. I had a bunch of girl friends over and we went to a movie. I don't remember which one, but that doesn't matter now. What does matter is that you fell asleep during the movie, and as a result started to snore, not softly either. Loud, annoying, noticable snores. Everybody looked at you and I was mortified. I don't think I spoke to you for days after that.

I wish I was eight again... and my biggest problem was that my father couldn't stay awake during a children's movie. I want to have that back. After all I have done, why can't I just have that back?

I thought of you today.

After the movie was over I ran off, leaving my husband in my wake, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with me and why I had just grabbed the keys to his truck without giving him so much as a "bye honey". I should call him, I guess. Let him know that I didn't going completely nuts. But then, he would probably follow me here, and I just want to be alone right now... with you. There are times when a girl just needs to talk to her father.

Even if he can't answer her back anymore.

He's probably with Daniel and Teal'c anyway. Since he was promoted he doesn't get to spend so much time with them... so they take every chance they can get. I wanted to thank you for that... him being promoted had a lot to do with you and what you told me before you left. It got me thinking and obviously whatever you told him got him thinking and it didn't take long before I went to him for comfort. Things just took off from there. I am happy now dad. I wanted you to know that. I have everything that I wanted. Thank you.

It's strange, really... I don't remember driving here, or walking to your grave, much less buying the flowers that I'm clutching tightly in my fist. I think they're a lost cause now, dad– I'm sorry, I'll get some more later. I've been trying to keep the area nice, but it's been snowing a lot lately. Then again, this is Colorado... and it is January.

Hard to imagine that so much time has passed since you... passed. It's been nearly a year, as unbelievable as it seems. I'm doing better, you know? At first, I was in denial, or a form of it. I told myself that I could have lost you all those years ago, but I got a second chance, and that because of those extra six years it was easier to let you go. I was wrong. I figured that out a week after your funeral. I was shopping for groceries and I reached for a bag of Cheetos, thinking that you would eat them the next time you dropped in. The bag was in the cart before I realized that you would never stay the weekend at my house again. I nearly broke down there in the store. I had to leave my things and run to my car, where I sat for half an hour, choking and sobbing and desperately trying to catch my breath and stop my tears.

Eventually, I could cry no longer and my breathing returned to normal. Still, I sat in the parking lot of the store, staring off into space, wondering how the reality of your death had only just occurred to me. You were gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. Short of going into another reality and dragging an alternate version of you back with me. But, even that wouldn't the same. You would be a different father, and I didn't want a different father. I wanted _you._

I must have been standing there for at least two hours, staring at the engravings of your headstone. Somehow I managed to ignore the name and dates on the stone next to it, my subconscious mind knew I couldn't handle dealing with both at once. More than that, I had already come to terms with mom's death– and while I was still bothered with her being gone, I was over it, at least as much as anybody can ever get over the death of a loved one. But you... less than a year isn't enough time for the wounds to be completely healed over, and I found myself silently crying. For the time we lost together in the past, and the future we could have had. No longer was I able to run to daddy for help– and like a child that scared me.

Maybe I should have been surprised when I left him standing behind me, or even startled as his arms encompassed me and pulled me close to his warm body. After standing in the freezing weather for hours I had gone numb, though I had successfully ignored it, and he knew it right away. Soon his winter coat was wrapped around my body, warming me already, and his arms still kept their tight, comforting hold on me. I leaned into his embrace and smiled at the thought of how you would react were you watching. The words _I told you so, Sammie _come to mind. God, I miss that cocky grin you would get when you got something right. I imagine you would be looking at me like that right now, if it was only possible.

Things weren't easy at first, it took a lot of help from those closest to me for me to finally start moving on, but I did. I'm still working on it, but someday soon I'll be able to think of you and simply smile. Someday I will be able to remember all the good times we had together instead of remembering the ones we missed. I hope that day comes soon.

"Hey Jacob, old boy," he whispered, almost timid like, as if he's afraid of how I will react to him talking to you. Does he not know that whenever I'm not at home or on the base I'm here, filling you and mom in on my life, and how happy I am with the changes in it. Well, most of them, of course. "I'm taking care of her– like I promised."

Ah. So you _had_ talked to him without me there. I thought you would. Good old predictable dad.

One of his hands broke free from the hold on me and came to rest on my stomach, "_Them... _I'm taking care of them."

I smiled lightly, placing my hand over his and ignoring the tears that suddenly fill my eyes. We just found out recently... that's why I haven't said anything about it yet. I'm scared dad. I don't know what kind of parent I'm going to be. What if I'm bad at it? I don't know what to do... I wish you were here.

"The way Sam tells it, the Goa'uld are gone and the Tok'ra have started to grow, thanks to the Jaffa rebellion. They're all finally free." I couldn't see his face, but I pictured a sad smile on it. "I just wish you could be here to tell me 'I told you so'."

Like I said, good old predictable dad. Even he would have expected the phrase.

"Things are finally looking up, dad..." I say, speaking to you for the first time in front of my husband, "Mark was transferred to Denver not too long ago– they move in a week or so. I'm glad, we haven't been on the best of terms since you left. He wanted to know what you had been doing for the past six years and why I knew but he couldn't. When I wouldn't tell him he got upset and didn't speak to me for months. It took Hannah making him call me for us to finally talk and try to work things out. We've started to... and I think that if he's closer it will be better for us." I was surprised by how much I managed to get out, but then again, most of it was interrupted by the occasional hiccup and deep breath. "I don't want to leave things the way they are."

His arms tightened around me instinctively, since he knew just how bad things between me and Mark had been, especially since I left Pete. I squeezed his arm reassuringly and took a step forward, out of his warm arms. "I thought of you today– and yesterday, and the day before that." Placing the limp flowers in the holder I sighed, "And I'll think of you tomorrow." Stepping back I glanced over my shoulder at my gray-haired husband, before turning back to the similar colored stone, "I miss you dad..."

"We all do," Jack added, taking hold of one of my hands and giving it a gentle squeeze. "The world... no, scratch that, the universe, galaxy even, is a duller place without you. Now the only one who laughs at my jokes is your daughter... it must've been in the genes or something."

I smiled lightly, allowing him to pull me into his arms once more. "We should get home," he whispers into my ear. Quiet... you wouldn't want to wake the dead. Unless, of course, you're using a sarcophagus (for the first time, at least). I had thought of that when you died, you know? Finding a sarcophagus. We never could get a hold of one, though, and you had told me you were ready to go. Though I still don't believe that you weren't lying. "The cold can't be good for the baby."

True, I guess. Nodding I motion for him to go on ahead, I'll be right behind him. He smiles sadly, understanding, and heads to where I parked his truck. Having been dropped off here by a very worried Daniel who was anxiously awaiting his call. As he walks away, he takes one last look at your grave, the smile turning from one of sadness to one of remembrance.

"_Jacob, is that you?"_

"_Yes Jack, it's me."_

"_...Did you know your ships bigger than ours?"_

There are so many things that I still haven't said to you. So many feelings that I was forced to conceal when you left my life. And yeah, I'm ok _now_. But, some days, I'm not– some days, I would give anything to be a little girl again, crawled into your lap, or hiding the flush in my cheeks as you snore during the most important scene of a movie. Some days, it's like you never left, and could come walking through my front door at any moment. But... some days, I know you're gone and I'm alright with it. Some days, I _think_ I've moved on.

Then I think of you... and the harsh reality comes crashing back down. I'm not even 40 years old yet, and both of my parents are gone already. They'll never see my children grow up and they'll never get the chance to spoil them without occasion. And, although I am a grown woman, they will never be around to sooth me when I'm afraid or calm me when I'm upset.

I thought of you today and although it still hurts to do so, I'm glad for the memories.

"_It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun..."_

"_You know, you destroy one sun and everybody expects you to walk on water."_

"_There you go."_

_"Hmm... next step, parting the red sea."_

I stood there for a few seconds before turning around and walking off after my husband of four months. As he had done only minutes prior I glanced over my shoulder while walking, pulling his jacket tighter around my body as a cold breeze blew in my face. I had stopped walking to look, and when I realized this I continued down the path to the road and to Jack.

I thought of you today, dad. I'm looking forward to thinking of you tomorrow.

_**Fini**_

**XXXX**

**A/N: Well, I hope that didn't totally suck. I, myself, am outraged at the death of Jacob... seems like as of late the writers of the show have gone on a killing spree. Ugh. It's very sad. So anyway, please reveiw! **


End file.
